A War with 'Self'

Currently, there is an ongoing war raging inside my mind. It happened the throughout 24hrs since yesterday and as of today, I am fine. The battle between trying to lift myself up from Confusion, Depression and feeling of failure had been intense and very difficult. So much thing was going through my mind that it rendered me handicapped and unable to think clearly. Anyway, I am writing this so that it can serve as a reminder to myself and to better understand about my feelings.

The english dictionary describes Depression as:
Depression (De*pres"sion) (?), n.
[L. depressio: cf. F. dépression.]
1. The act of depressing.
2. The state of being depressed; a sinking.
3. A falling in of the surface; a sinking below its true place; a cavity or hollow; as, roughness consists in little protuberances and depressions.
4. Humiliation; abasement, as of pride.
5. Dejection; despondency; lowness. "In a great depression of spirit." Baker.

Meanwhile Confusion is described as:
Confusion (Conúfuúsion) (ken-fy­1zhen) n.
1. The act of confusing or the state of being confused; perplexity; distraction. An instance of being confused.
2. Embarrassment; shame; intellectual discomfiture.
3. Psychology. Impaired orientation with respect to time, place, or person; a disturbed mental state.

While the definition of Failure is described as (From Wikipedia):
Failure (or flop) in general refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective. It may be viewed as the opposite of success.

Yes, I am fighting all these guys from all fronts of the battlefield and yesterday, it was a tired fight. So much so that there was a huge dent in my confidence and my thoughts took a spiral downward turn, while 'my opponents' nearly won the battle in the process. However, things took an about turn when I decided to shut my mind off and started my prayers. I look deep into myself and started to look back for the 'Petalingrunner' that had left just a moment ago. In my mind, I called out 'Hey Petalingman...where are you?' An answer just came and the reply was, 'I had never left you'.

I knew I had won the battle. It was a good fight.

I was surfing in the net for the general meaning of failure and guess what, wikipedia offered me more insight into the word failure than I could ever envisaged by myself.

'Criteria for failure' (adapted from Wikipedia)

The criteria for failure are heavily dependent on context of use, and may be relative to a particular observer or belief system. A situation considered to be a failure by one might be considered a success by another, particularly in cases of direct competition or a zero-sum game. As well, the degree of success or failure in a situation may be differently viewed by distinct observers or participants, such that a situation that one considers to be a failure, another might consider to be a success, a qualified success or a neutral situation.

It may also be difficult or impossible to ascertain whether a situation meets criteria for failure or success due to ambiguous or ill-defined definition of those criteria. Finding useful and effective criteria, or heuristics, to judge the success or failure of a situation may itself be a significant task.

This is one of the best passages I had read a long time. There were more comforting words from the net too. Check this out:

The Meaning of Failure (Inspirations from Ken Spyce)

Failure doesn't mean - You are a failure.
It means - You have not succeeded.

Failure doesn't mean - You accomplished nothing.
It means - You have learned something.

Failure doesn't mean - That you have been a fool.
It means - You had a lot of faith.

Failure doesn't mean - You've been disgraced.
It means - You were willing to try.

Failure doesn't mean - You don't have it.
It means - You have to do something in a different way.

Failure doesn't mean - You are inferior.
It means -You are not perfect.

Failure doesn't mean - You've wasted your life.
It means - You have a reason to start afresh.

Failure doesn't mean - You should give up.
It means - You must try harder.

Failure doesn't mean -You'll never make it.
It means - It will take a little longer.

Failure doesn't mean - God has abandoned you.
It means - God has a better way for you.

There goes....Petalingrunner is Back!! :p