Limerence

Well, this would be a posting that contained the latest science of study on love. As I had went through an emotional roller coaster ride a few weeks ago, I am somewhat settled right now. My feelings of 'settled' does not mean that she is not in my heart anymore. She was one of those beautiful things that came into my life and worthy to be etched in the pages of my life chapters. But nevertheless, I am attempting to study myself and my feelings so as to be able to know myself better with the hope that one day, I can give unconditionally, whatever I have to HER while in return, LOVE will descend upon me. If that ever happens, there will not be anymore regrets during this lifetime. At the same time, I am seriously writing because I want to be matured in handling my feelings and not to act like a small kiddo when it comes to these matters. This article were not meant to grab any attention at all. I just want to.....express and let out my feelings.

Well, this study would prove to be an eye opener where it explores the deepest thoughts and our hearts. It revealed so much that I had been thinking, whether we are built to be the same as one another. Anyway, this is an extract from Wikipedia and it proved to be one of those very interesting articles that I had been reading. It starts off with the definition of 'Limerence'. Enjoy:

Limerence
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Limerence is a state of mind characterized by intrusive thinking, longing, uncertainty, hope, misperception, fantasies, and passion. Limerence has been described as "having a crush", "infatuation", "passionate love", "puppy love", "romantic love" or "being in love." It is important to note that limerence is neither love nor sexual attraction. Love, sexual attraction, and limerence can all exist without each other or any or all of them can coexist together.

Limerence begins as a barely perceptible feeling of increased interest in a particular person, known as the limerent object, but one which, if nurtured by appropriate conditions, can grow to enormous intensity. In most cases it also declines, eventually to zero or to a low level. At this low level, limerence is either transformed through reciprocation or it is transferred to another person who then becomes the new limerent object. Under the best of conditions the waning of limerence through mutuality is accompanied by the growth of the emotional response more suitably described as love.

-Well, this article is interesting due to the fact that the situations that I am facing is 'somewhat' similar as per the description of the article above. It is very difficult to express what I am feeling but then, at this current moment, this is the best article to put my feelings on par.

But the question is that my feelings had not subsided. In the article, it had mentioned that our feeling should subside. To me, it is repressed but never subsides. My need to hear from her was so intense that it nearly drove me nuts but that was many weeks ago. At the current moment, the feeling is somewhat....CONTROLLED. I could control those feeling of longing for the person. I can supress them now. These signs were quite similar to what had been described below:

Limerence has certain basic components:

* intrusive thinking about the limerent object
* acute longing for reciprocation
* some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerence through vivid imagining of action by the limerent object that means reciprocation
* fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence
* intensification through adversity
* acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object
* an aching in the chest when uncertainty is strong
* buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident
* a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
* a remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the limerent object and to avoid dwelling on the negative or render it into another positive attribute.

-The description of Limerence is so through that I had went through these:

Crystallization
from Stendhal's 1822 work On Love, is a process in which the limerent object’s attractive characteristics are emphasized and unattractive characteristics given little or no attention, or even seen as attractive. The attributes are not pure inventions; the existing features of the limerent object merely undergo enhancement. Objectively trivial aspects of the limerent object’s appearance or behavior may be seized on and the good qualities endlessly re-visualized in the limerent consciousness. Neutral aspects of the limerent object are perceived as charming and delightful.

No matter what the limerent object does it can be interpreted favorably, at least up to a point. There is an amazing capacity to react positively to deficiencies. The limerent reaction may miss by a wide mark the truly important features or ignore serious problems in the limerent object.

Intrusive thinking
During the height of limerence, thoughts of the limerent object are both persistent and intrusive. Limerence is first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession. All events, associations, stimuli, and experiences return thoughts to the limerent object with unnerving consistency. The constant thoughts about the limerent object define all other experiences. If a certain thought has no previous connection with the limerent object, immediately one is made.

Limerent fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality. Sometimes it is retrospective; actual events are replayed from memory. This form predominates when what is viewed as evidence of possible reciprocation can be re-experienced. Otherwise, the long fantasy is anticipatory; it begins in the everyday world and climaxes at the attainment of the limerent goal. A limerent fantasy can also involve an unusual, often tragic, event.

The long fantasies form bridges between the limerent's ordinary life and that intensely desired ecstatic moment. The duration and complexity of a fantasy depend on the availability of time and freedom from distractions. The bliss of the imagined moment of consummation is greater when events imagined to precede it are possible. In fact they often represent grave departures from the probable.

It is not entirely pleasant, and when rejection seems likely the thoughts focus on despair. The pleasantness or unpleasantness of the state seems almost unrelated to the intensity of the reaction. Although the direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, the intensity of intrusive thinking alters less rapidly, and alters only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the particular limerent object.

Fear of rejection
Along with the emphasis on positive qualities perceived in the limerent object, and preoccupation with the hope for return of feelings, there is a fear that limerence will be met by the very opposite of reciprocation: rejection. Considerable self-doubt and uncertainty is experienced and it causes pain, but also enhances desire.

Limerent fear of rejection is usually confined to shyness in the presence of the limerent object, but it can also spread to situations involving other potential limerent objects, though generally it does not affect other spheres of life.

Although it appears that limerence blossoms under some forms of adversity, extreme caution, even immobility, and shyness based on fear of giving the limerent object an undesirable view can prevent a relationship from occurring even when both people are interested.

Physical effects
The physiological correlations of limerence are heart palpitations, trembling, pallor, flushing, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stammering, shyness, and confusion predominate at the behavioral level. There is apprehension, nervousness, and anxiety due to terrible worry that any action may bring about disaster. Many of the commonly associated physiological reactions are the result of the limerent fear.

The super-sensitivity that is heightened by fear of rejection can get in the way of interpreting the limerent object’s body language and lead to inaction and wasted opportunities. Bodily signals may be emitted that confuse and interfere with attaining the limerent object.

A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim develop. The sensation of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest. This is ecstasy at times of mutuality and despair at times of rejection.

-These are some of the things which I had went through and I know, supressing those feelings were never healthy in the first place. But this is all I can do now. I tried calling, smsing and emailing but there had not been a 'favourable' response. Am I too desperate? I think I am. A slight response from her would put me into disarray and in my lifetime, I never guess this would happen to me. For god's sake, I am not that 'young' anymore but when it comes to these matters, I guess everybody would be the same. It is sweet yet bitter in taste.

As for now, I am not even sure that it will or will not work. But then, I am not pondering on these questions anymore. I was concentrating on the fact that, all things would begin as a FRIEND. I'll just try to move slowly from there. In reality, there wasn't any LOVE in the first place. But to have a serious crush on someone is definitely quite 'exhilirating'. To me, it definitely is a crush but whether it will go onto love, it is entirely another matter. To develop these feelings into LOVE would require serious commitment from our part as well the the partner's but then, my heart is secretly nudging itself into this realm. Why? I am developing a sense of 'caring' for her welfare and feelings. The sensation is overwhelming at times but I am 'containing' it at this moment.

My feelings are like tidal waves trying to breach it's banks. Will I be able to contain it? I hope so. I do not want to have an aftermath where the wave destroy's everything in it's path when the banks are breached.

Well, the conclusion is hard to predict at this current moment. Will it crystallise? I hope so. For now, I'll just continue to do what I can, that is to give her, 'Unconditional Care'.